idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
