i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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