Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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