Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
