Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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