it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
