sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
