Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
