Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
