Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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