K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
