I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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