OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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