I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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