I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
