how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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