: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
