do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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