Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
