Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
