You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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