My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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