Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
