please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
