I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
