M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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