You really coming over, don't trick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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