sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
