So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
