I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
