my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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