dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
