btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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