The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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