i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
