Pappa wants mamma naked
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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