We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
