Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
