I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
