I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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