I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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