whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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