Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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