she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
