I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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