We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
