So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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