She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
