he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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