we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
