Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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