So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
