Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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