I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
