Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
