The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
