Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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