the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
