Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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