Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
