You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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