She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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