You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
