I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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