Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
