If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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