What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
