Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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