Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
