I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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