it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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