Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
