my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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