Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
