I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
two words: eviction party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
