So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
