Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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