Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
