Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
