He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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